Author Archives: Stacey

Slain, Explained

Posted on March 12, 2017 by Stacey

I’m standing at the front of the church with about fifty other people. We’re lined up shoulder to shoulder, stretched from one side of the church to the other. It’s not just a regular run-of-the-mill service. There’s a guest speaker … Continue reading →

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husband socks

Posted on July 3, 2016 by Stacey

When I was little, I wanted to marry a horse. Specifically, a little white pony named Snowball that I rode every Friday during an hour-long lesson at the Windy Hill Riding Academy in Library, PA. It didn’t matter that Snowball … Continue reading →

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the most prolific act of my senior year

Posted on March 27, 2016 by Stacey

I’d been dreaming about the prom for years. It all sounded so romantic: the dress! the moonlight! the hot date!  It was like a Wedding Junior.  So when I transferred to a small Christian school for my senior year, I hit … Continue reading →

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The Yellow Light of Sobriety

Posted on July 27, 2015 by Stacey

I am not a good smoker, of anything.  I once attempted to smoke a cigarette at a bar to fit in with my bad-ass cousin, but she was onto me immediately. “You don’t really smoke, do you?” she said. “No,” I said, … Continue reading →

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Say it with a Smile

Posted on July 12, 2015 by Stacey

I learned to kite during a week-long clinic in Hatteras. More accurately:  I continued to learn to kite during a week-long clinic in Hatteras.  This was after 2 or 3 lessons in Newport, another 6 months just flying a trainer kite … Continue reading →

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popularity contest

Posted on July 4, 2015 by Stacey

Two hours after being appointed Location Manager of the New York Best Kiteboarding Lesson Center (no additional compensation, just the glory!), it became painfully clear to me that I didn’t actually want to BE a Location Manager. It was a lot … Continue reading →

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dan james and his cookie plate

Posted on June 29, 2015 by Stacey

(Names have been changed to protect the guilty.) Every Christmas, my mother makes a cookie plate for Dan James. She gives it to him right after church in the parking lot, and he eats its entire contents during the ride … Continue reading →

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motherhood

Posted on June 14, 2015 by Stacey

When I first heard about test-tube babies, I thought FINALLY! I never wanted to go through the whole nine-months-of-being-pregnant process – I couldn’t even last six weeks with a cast on my wrist – but now that there was a … Continue reading →

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Might as well face it, I’m a dick with a glove

Posted on May 26, 2015 by Stacey

Misheard lyrics, oh how I love them. I could waste hours on the Kissthisguy website. And the explanations from the people doing the mishearing make the lyrics even funnier: “I thought it was a song about Michael Jackson and I … Continue reading →

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operation favorite

Posted on May 31, 2014 by Stacey

In my lifelong quest to become my father’s favorite child, I was always looking for ways to elbow my way towards the forefront. Since I couldn’t do it by being a naturally loveable person, I had to attempt it in … Continue reading →

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